


Thriving, Probably

by toue



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Chronic Pain, Eating Disorder Not Otherwise Specified, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Post-Canon, Unreliable Narrator
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-19
Updated: 2019-03-19
Packaged: 2019-11-24 06:19:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18162422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toue/pseuds/toue
Summary: Taako was thriving. His school was a success, he was engaged to the man he loved, and maybe his schedule was a bit tight, but elves didn't need to sleep anyway.And maybe he didn't have much of an appetite anymore, but at least he could still cook for his family.And maybe his body hurt more than it should, but he could handle it. He was Taako, you know? From TV?Taako overworks himself in the years following the Day of Story and Song and has to come to terms with some unpleasant truths. Luckily, his family is there to support him.





	Thriving, Probably

**Author's Note:**

> the eating disorder stuff is mentioned pretty briefly, not elaborated on too much beyond hair loss due to malnutrition.  
> chronic pain is a prevalent topic.  
> taako has a dissociative episode in here too.  
> everything in here is totally based on personal experience btw, and i only say that bc sometimes i worry people fetishize this sort of shit? idk it makes me feel better when i know it's been written by somebody who's actually mentally/physically ill LMAO
> 
> if you feel you might get upset by reading this then PLEASE don't. it's not worth it, seriously. go listen to some carly rae jepsen and take care of yourself.

It was two years or so out from the not-apocalypse, and Taako was _thriving_.

This was, of course, no secret- in collaboration with Ren, his school of magic was enjoying immense success, as well as a fair amount of press. Between interviews and meeting with Faerun philanthropists to acquire the necessary monetary support, Taako even somehow made time for frequent guest lectures on-site.

Once home, he’d read through his fan mail, replying every so often if the mood struck. He’d take care of the cats and prune the herbs before putting together some decadent meal for Kravitz to come home to.

Not that Kravitz would’ve been unhappy with less-- the sap would probably be fine with freezer waffles if Taako served it. But no fianc _é_ of Taako’s would be caught foraging for leftovers if he had any say in it, _thank you very much_.

So, right. Dinner was served, and often Kravitz wanted to stay up and have a glass of wine with him. Which was fine, and you _know_ Taako had made a trip to that out-of-the-way liquor store to pick up the finest stuff for them.

‘Cause, y’know. That’s how Taako do.

They’d cuddle up on the couch and Kravitz would tell him all about whatever wild bounties the reaper trio had dealt with that day...

“Love, do you… are you falling asleep?” Vaguely, he heard Kravitz laugh.

Taako jerked upward from where he’d been resting his eyes, head lolled onto Kravitz’s shoulder.

Quickly, he swiped away the drool aquiring on his chin, fighting to refocus.

“Naw, ‘m fine. Elves don’t sleep,” Taako drawled.

Kravitz shook his head, still shaking with laughter.

“Let’s go to bed, Taako,” Kravitz said. “You’re obviously exhausted.”

And as Kravitz took their unfinished glasses of wine to the kitchen, Taako couldn’t help but feel like a failure.

 

Taako had hitched a rift ride from Kravitz into the center of Raven’s Roost, but the restaurant Magnus wanted to meet him at was still a bit of a hike from there. He’d wandered for a few minutes before giving up and stopping to ask directions.

(He’d taken out his compact mirror, first, to reassure himself that his glamour was up.)

A friendly tiefling pointed him toward a hill at the tail end of the village. A rudimentary gravel pathway trailed up it, leading to a small building perched atop it.

Taako thanked the Tiefling and braced himself for a climb before heading over.

And, see- Taako was thriving. Of fucking _course_ he was. But the Wonderland Twins had really done a number on him, y’know? His body ached just a smidgen more than was normal. And on cold days, his right leg sometimes got a little- funny.

It wasn’t as strong, and it gave out on him, sometimes. Taako didn’t feel the need to tell anybody because- well, he was fine. He was _Taako_ , he’d deal with it.

Still, this walking path in Raven’s Roost felt- daunting.

He was halfway up when his stone of farspeech rang.

“Lulu, hey,” Taako answered, already winded. “Sorry, Mags wanted to meet me out at some nowhere restaurant, like, 200 miles away. Can I call you back?”

He heard Lup laugh.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” she said. “Was just calling to remind you about that bake sale for Angus’ Debate Club this Friday. I figured that we could get together to shop and cook tomorrow?”

Shit, shit. What day was it?

“We’ll talk later, Lup,” Taako wheezed, turning off his stone. He was too out-of-breath to talk any longer. Was it Wednesday? He’d completely forgotten about the bake sale, fuck, how could he _forget_ -

And that was when Taako’s leg gave out beneath him, toppling him downward into gravel below. Taako struggled for any sort of grip to avoid slipping further down the hill- he could feel the gravel embedding into the palms of his hands. He ached everywhere.

As the world quieted, and the adrenaline wore off…

Listen, Taako was thriving. Honest.

But as he lay there, waiting for his leg to work again, his body aching and his mind caught in a self-deprecating spiral-

Taako was pretty miserable.

 

_Hey, Mags- uh, it’s ch’boy. I know I said I’d meet you out at that restaurant but, like- something came up this afternoon? With a kid, at the school. So I had to stay late there. Like, it’s not pretty, kid’s got a concussion or something, uh… yeah. I’ll cook you dinner soon to make up for it, yeah?_

 

Magnus missed the call in the noise of the restaurant, but checked his messages when Taako was late. Taako sounded a bit scattered and out of breath- the situation over at his school must’ve been serious. Frowning in worry, Magnus took another sip of his ale.

Maybe Lup was free tonight.

 

Taako didn’t want to call Kravitz for a ride, so he got home the old-fashioned way. He hobbled to the outskirts of town, cursing his body the entire way. He rummaged through his fashionable fanny pack of holding until he found his old Bureau bracer and called for transport.

An orb descended within a couple of minutes. It took a minute more for Taako to tuck himself inside and get in a somewhat comfortable position.

Avi greeted him amicably, as always.

“Hey, Taako! How’re you- yikes, what happened?” Avi winced, taking in Taako’s injuries.

“Heh, you should see the other guy,” Taako muttered. “Uh, Avi, was wondering if you could shoot me back down to my place- I found myself a bit out of the way and my normal transport wasn’t available.”

“Yeah, anytime, but like- do you need a cleric?” Avi asked. “We literally have some on the clock right now, they could take a look, no issue...”

“Naw, I don’t need anything like that,” Taako said. “Merle’s, uh, coming over pretty soon so- he’ll take care of things.” _Oh, what a tangled web we weave._

“Oh, good,” Avi nodded. “Tell him I say hi, yeah? We miss you all around here.” Avi moved to push in the coordinates of Taako’s estate. Taako was too tired to question how he knew them by memory.

Shortly thereafter, Taako was finally walking into his home, shuffling over to the coat rack to hang up his things.

His body still ached. He was bleeding, too, he knew that. He’d have to get cleaned up.

But first: if Lup wanted to cook for Angus’ bake sale tomorrow, he’d have to move around some appointments.

And the cats would probably want their dinner soon, and the herb garden needed to be tended to.

And tomorrow morning he had an appointment with a donor. And he was doing a presentation at his school at noon.

Taako looked down at his hands, bloodied.

He felt... numb.

He backed into the wall, sliding downwards into a fetal position on the floor, tucking his chin to his chest as his breath hitched. Lip wobbling as a keening whine emerged from his throat.

_Pathetic, and a failure._

He descended into horrible, ragged sobs.

 

After a while, Taako lost track of time. To be honest, he kind of forgot where he was. He couldn’t even feel his body. Which was nice, considering how fucked-up it felt.

In this state of dissociation, he didn’t notice a rift open, and he didn’t hear Kravitz’s voice until it became urgent.

“Taako,” Kravitz pleaded. “Taako, love, can you hear me? Can you feel my hand?”

Oh- sure enough, there was a cold hand in his. Experimentally, Taako squeezed. The hand squeezed back.

“You’re bleeding,” Kravitz said, sounding miserable with worry.

_Way to go, Taako, you fucked shit up again._

Taako’s throat felt raw as another sob emerged, and suddenly, he was aware again. His cheeks were soaked and his body hurt everywhere.

“Taako, what happened?” Kravitz asked shakily. “Dove, what’s going on?”

Taako willed his voice to come- which was hard, actually. His muscles felt lethargic, still weak from his episode. His lips, mouth and tongue felt alien.

But Kravitz was upset.

“Stupid,” Taako finally managed, breath hitching. “’S stupid. Don’t worry.”

“Nothing that’s got you this upset is _stupid_ , Taako,” Kravitz said. “You know that, don’t you?”

Taako reached up, gripping his hair and pulling.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid...” he murmured, grateful for the brief clarity that pain provided. Kravitz wrenched his hands away quickly, cupping them between his. Taako was sure Kravitz noticed the clumps of hair that came out with his hands.

_Taako was thriving, honest. But maybe he didn’t have time to eat sometimes. And maybe often he had no appetite._

“Taako, please, how can I help?” Kravitz pleaded. “Please, please...”

And then the situation went from bad to worse.

Another rift open, and Lup and Magnus stepped through.

Lup was by his side in an instant, hands reaching to cup his face as she knelt to his level.

“Taako, what’s going on?” she asked.

And Taako didn’t _deserve_ this attention, not from Lup, who was so _good_ , not from Kravitz or Magnus…

Taako shook his head vigorously, dislodging her hands, before pressing his face into his knees.

“What happened here?” he heard Lup ask Kravitz.

“I… I got home, and he was sitting here, bleeding and barely responsive,” Kravitz said. “And- _crying_ , and pulling his hair out, and calling himself names...”

Kravitz trailed off with a shaky, reedy sigh. Taako had never seen his fianc _é_ so at a loss. Absently, he squeezed Kravitz’s hands. He immediately received a firm squeeze in return.

“He told Lup that he was on his way to see me, but then he called _me_ and said he was still at the school,” Magnus interjected. “And he sounded bad, so we decided to check on him.”

“We have to get these wounds cleaned up,” Lup muttered. “Is this gravel?”

Taako groaned in general displeasure.

“I’m right here,” Taako managed. “And ’m fine.”

Lup laughed sardonically, high and unhinged.

“Clearly!” she said. “Taaks, you know we can’t just let this go, right?”

And, yeah. If this were anybody else in their family, he’d be just as worried about them.

He resigns himself to honesty.

“I went to see Magnus,” Taako said. “That stupid hill the restaurant’s on. It’s too tall.”

“The hill?” Magnus asked, furrowing his brows. “I mean, it’s- not that bad. Not enough to cancel plans over. Right?”

Taako kicked out his fucked-up leg, wincing at both the current wounds as well as its unnatural stiffness.

“This leg has been shit for me since Wonderland,” Taako said, gesturing to it. “On cold days it gives out on me at random. And it’s kinda weak, like, always.”

He heard a collective intake of breath as his family processed this.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Kravitz said, squeezing his hands.

“It’s stupid,” Taako muttered. “I should be able to do these things. I’m a fucking flip wizard. I’m _Taako_.”

Lup had taken to combing out Taako’s hair with her hands while he talks.

“That’s bullshit,” Lup said. “We all have our limits, Taaks. You _never_ used to push yourself this hard. Why aren’t you taking care of yourself anymore?”

“I _am_ ,” Taako said.

“Your hair is falling out, Taako,” Lup said, voice thin with unease. “It’s fucking coming away when I touch it. So, uh, obviously _not_.”

Taako swallowed down the tears that threatened to return.

“Are you okay to get up now, so we can clean up those wounds?” Kravitz asked. “I can go get Merle, even...”

Taako gripped Kravitz’s hand with a sudden fervor. He needed Kravitz right now- same as he needed Lup and Magnus.

“Stay,” Taako spoke.

“I’ll call Barry to fetch him,” Lup murmured. “Can you grab Taako, Magnus? Let’s bring him to the bathroom.”

“I’ll walk,” Taako spoke, already trying to move, ignoring the stiffness in his body. Sitting on the floor had been a bad idea.

“No you won’t,” Lup singsonged with deliberate (read: feigned) levity. “Mags, can you?”

“I’m going to pick you up, okay Taako?” Magnus said, and then Taako was lifted from the ground, one arm beneath his knees and one supporting his back. Taako grunted in pain as he was jostled, tucking his face into Magnus’ chest.

Taako was moved to sit on the closed toilet. He could hear Lup speaking to Barry on her stone outside the door as Magnus cleaned the gravel from his wounds. Kravitz moved back and forth like a disoriented hummingbird, bringing supplies for Magnus and looking otherwise at a loss.

“Babe, can you fetch me some tea?” Taako finally asked him. Speaking felt easier now, at least. “I could use something warm.”

“Absolutely, Dove,” Kravitz said, relieved to have a task. He planted a kiss on Taako’s forehead before leaving the room.

Eventually, Lup came in and sat herself on the edge of the bathtub. Kravitz returned with Taako’s tea.

“That’s about all I can do,” Magnus said as he plucked the last of the gravel out with a pair of tweezers. “I’m not gonna bandage it ‘cause I want Merle to take a look.”

Speak of the devil- the three heard a rift in the living room before Barry and Merle puttered into the bathroom.

(It was a damn good thing Taako’s bathroom was so roomy, otherwise this would’ve been a tight squeeze.)

“Hey, Taako,” Barry greeted easily, offering a half-wave.

“What the fuck did you do to yourself, kid?” Merle grunted, waddling over to take a look at Taako’s various scrapes.

“He fell on a gravel path,” Lup supplied. “And his right leg has apparently been randomly giving out on him since Wonderland.”

(Taako couldn’t help but notice the way Barry stiffened at the mention of Wonderland, undue guilt no doubt rattling him. Taako knew he still felt bad about what his relic had done to them.)

Merle, to his credit, was unshaken, casting a few spells to heal his wounds before speaking again.

“Wonderland was shit,” Merle said. “And you got the worst of it, probably.”

“Mags lost his body,” Taako pointed out. “You lost an _eye_.”

“Eh, I think it looks distinguished,” Merle hummed. “And Maggie has his body back, doesn’t he? You got wrecked in there!”

Taako huffed, rolling his eyes, trying to hide a smile. Leave it to Merle to make these sorts of situations feel absolutely mundane.

Merle examined his leg, muttering under his breath as he worked a few more spells. The silence stretched for a few minutes before Merle gently placed his leg down.

“Sorry, kid, there’s not a ton I can do here,” Merle sighed. “I wish you’d told us sooner. Everything’s healed up, but there’s still some lasting damage. I think you should see somebody who specializes in chronic pain- I know a guy in Rockport...”

Taako knew it was hopeless, but it didn’t make it easier to hear. His hand sought out Lup’s, who moved to his side quickly.

“I’m fine,” Taako said.

“Yeah, about that, kid,” Merle interjected. “You’re not eating, are you?”

“It’s… busy,” Taako said, too tired to lie to his family any longer.

“Too busy, I think,” Merle said. “There’s some real malnutrition going on here, and I can tell you need to get more rest. You’re running yourself ragged.”

Kravitz had a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize you were suffering, Taako,” he said, voice heavy with regret.

“But- I’m _not_ ,” Taako protested. “I’ve made a school and a brand, I’m a pop culture icon...”

“None of those things mean that you’re happy, Koko,” Lup said, impossibly tender. “And… it’s okay, if you’re not happy right now. We’ll ride it out with you, okay?”

(Maybe he wasn’t thriving, after all. But he’d get there.)

 

It probably would’ve been a far more touching moment had it not taken place in a crowded bathroom. Eventually, his family dispersed throughout the house, though nobody left.

Kravitz fed the cats.

Merle pruned the herbs.

Magnus called Ren to inform her that Taako would be taking a vacation.

Ren was thrilled Taako was taking time to be with his family and offered to clear his schedule.

Lup was cooking a lovely dinner; Barry took a rift out to fetch them wine.

Taako stayed curled up on the couch, head only barely poking out of the heap of blankets piled on top of him.

His family puttered around him, stepping up to support him as his world came down around him.

But it just so happened that Taako had seen the world end many times before.

He wasn’t fine, but he’d survive this too.

Burrowing deeper in the blankets, he let himself rest.

**Author's Note:**

> whew. this was super super unedited, thanks for sticking with me. i had to take off work today and was feeling upset about it so i wrote this all at once.  
> been a while since i've written anything so this was fun  
> kudos are cool, bookmarks are cool, comments are Very Cool,  
> have a good day y'all


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